Poetry

I don’t write poetry, but have. The last 2 nights, 6 separate trains of thought, 6 different moments – random.

Schizotypal

Don’t take me personally
I pretend to be nice when I’m holding malice
I will have my revenge
I pretend to speak good when I want to destroy
The status quo cannot remain forever
I pretend to like you to make you think I do
I pretend to be grateful for things I despise
I’ll play dumb to make you feel smarter
I’ll fake weak to make you feel stronger
I’ll inflate your ego to make you feel superior
It’s all a lie
It’s all a show
I am not what you think
I want to be everything you want to fear
I want to be unexpected
To be underestimated
But how much longer must I hold back?
Its just the way my life has come to be
Does it make me hate myself more than you?
I have to use you how I can
It’s the only way to get by
Your psychology is putty in my hands
A weapon to be wielded
I wish I never had

You ask?

You want to know what’s on my mind?
Sometimes better not to ask
Sometimes better not to think
Are you sure you really want to know?
Or take it back as soon as you can?
Sometimes things are better left unspoken

Cancer

I’m weak
I can see my body breaking
The skin
The hunger
The loss
My mind?
How much left to lose?
How much wisdom can be gained?
Maybe it wasn’t so much of a waste all along

Wasted Relaxation

I wait for the summer wind
For what?
What’s there to find?
Is there anything to lose?
I see no escape
Sitting wide awake
Always alone
Does forever always last?
How does it end?
When?
Will I?

Risperdal

I’m too intense
I feel the rage
The hate
The pain
The struggle
The tragedy
Or is it motivation which consumes me?
To know what I’m fighting
It’s clear to see
Clear to me
Yet goes unnoticed in plain site
Forever hidden from the sheep
Stay asleep…

Hoodie

Everyone’s always watching
Judging
Scheming
Eyes constantly on me
I see them
Do they see me?
What’s there to be noticed?
To be noted?
In darkness it should pass
So just I continue walking my path
None of this is ever meant to last